There are soooo many things to consider and/or listu2026tattoos- I have one on each forearm- the first is a combat cross and on the other arm the quote u201cI may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say itu201d (this one helps me remember not to slap and strangle civiu2019su2024 however, my son has a combat cross in honor of my service and the guys he knows I lostu2024 so this isnu2019t always a surefire wayI jump, I jump high, I jump often, and rarely will I scream (unless youu2019ve startled me while asleep) I may gaspu2024 my boys often tell the most embarrassing stories of what Iu2019ve done- one woke me during a nightmare/flashback dream type situation- I woke up swinging fiercely, I punched him so hard i had to take him to the er for X-rays of his jaw to make sure I hadnu2019t broke it- God was that AWFUL and the other story is when my son was VERY young (about three) we went to Walmart. A normal day- until a car backfired. I grabbed him, threw him to the ground and road rashed him from the top of his head to the tips of his toes- had to take him to the dr for pain meds and cream- again; MORTIFYING as a mommau2024 if your in my house and going to stay the night or while I may nap, the boys will tell you (everytime) if a baby misses a breath Iu2019ll be wide awake BUT IF you hear me screaming, crying, yelling, shaking, talking: DO NOT TOUCH ME. They wonu2019t go past the side of my bed BC theyu2019re in the u201cswing zoneu201d (they named it) they literally poke me with a sticku2024 sadly this has happened when Iu2019ve stayed with other people (the most heartbreaking was when it happened at my Nani and Pops or when it happens at my parents), I recently scared the bejesus outta my honorary nieces, nephew and granddaughter when I had recurring nightmares/flashbacks after I got outta the hospital while I stayed with themI tell stories about where Iu2019ve been, but theyu2019re 99.9% funny or stupid shit we did: do NOT ASK if weu2019ve killed people PLEASESleep: omg IF I AM asleep please do NOT wake me up, not just BC I might punch, kick, or wake up screaming at you but because it is so damn hard to fall asleep and especially to stay asleep, still. Iu2019m on 3 sleeping pills and STILL canu2019t sleep a solid nightThe Telly- my television is on 24/7/365- NO exceptions. The reason? Because it blocks out extraneous noise, especially gunfire, backfiring cars, etc. IF I sleep at someone elseu2019s home I MUST wear headphones and I have to warn them NOT to wake me no matter how bad it gets unless theyu2019re far away and outta the u201cswing zoneu201d- now my service dog, all 5lbs of her can wake me without issue but sheu2019s trained to do that and if ya put a sleeping baby in my bed and they miss a breath, whimper, laugh in their sleep Iu2019m WIDE awake no swinging or screaming- I guess thatu2019s a momma thingI CANNOT handle a gun (God is this embarrassing to admit)u2024 my son is working with me on this now- I guess youu2019d call it exposure therapy? But the first time he handed me the gun (even cleared and empty) I started shaking violently but slowly Iu2019m getting better. I have to get thru this BC Iu2019m applying to go back as a contractoru2026. Iu2019m almost ready to hit the range and see if I can still shoot like when I was a marksmanfor the first 12u201315 YEARS of my sons life I slept on the couch because it was the only place where I could see all potential exits and entrances. I CANNOT have a headboard BC that wonu2019t allow me to sleep with my back against the wall (used to drive my hubs insane). My boys pointed out, when they were quite young actually, that I will ONLY sit down and eat in a position where A. My back is against the wall (NOT a chair but the wall) and B. I can see ALL exits or entrances- and usually in the very back of the restaurant (itu2019s called u201csituational awarenessu201d in the military)I do not watch war movies (without a Valium or a couple 50mg benadryls, sometimes a sleeping pill (because they donu2019t actually put me to sleep) the meds dull the senses and the gunfireI CANNOT go to my besties or my parents during hunting season: I went ONE time (they forgot it was hunting season) Iu2019ve never been asked to return during that time of the year- evidently traumatized everyone in the house except my kidsMy boys have learned and will tell you do NOT put on a war movie or a war video game while moms asleep (especially with the sound system on): see items 2, 4, 5, & 7 abovei go into what my sons call u201ccombat modeu201d: IF it happens and your nearby get ready for a show because imma about to flip the fuck out and you will hear some of the most creative cursing everu2026. those close to me AND that I trust KNOW to get me the fuck outta wherever I am (especially the VA hospital) my records literally state that in Aug of 2024 (according to the drs- NOT me) that I u201cwent into a rage, completely irrational, screaming and cursing, unable to calm herself or allow someone to attempt to calm her and had a blank stare on her face the entire time- could be heard screaming and cursing while leaving the clinic only her granddaughter was able to touch heru201d oops they shouldnu2019t have been such incompetent DICKS and sometimes I donu2019t even remember what happened when I was in u201ccombat modeu201dFireworks- I fucking HATE hate hate HATE themu2024 I go to the movies EVERY 4th of Jul EVERY year NO Exceptions! Ironic isnu2019t it? We go and fight for everyoneu2019s freedom and then on the day we celebrate said freedom the main event (fireworks) literally terrorizes a lot of usu2024 I ALSO take a Valium, sleeping pill, or 50mg Benadryl(s)- again dulls the sensesu2026a lot of us are u201cmentally illu201d: as the government has decided that PTSD, depression, anxiety disorders are all mental illnesses NOT normal reactions to living in a world of CONSTANT bombardment of all of your senses without reliefu2026
